How Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson got me through a run

Here’s to hoping this humors you and makes your week a little bit better. If it doesn’t, it will at the least make you realize that in addition to being a badass, I’m also a weirdo. Or super cool. Whichever. Whatever.

In a year where I’ve already run over 300 miles, including a marathon, I’ve also already lost my distance training. Ya know what they say – “use it or lose it.” It’s true. And it’s not like I’m disappointed by it, I mean… hello, I ran a marathon. But I definitely didn’t think I’d struggle to get back to a 10K just three months later. Again, use it or lose it. I didn’t use it, so I lost it. I mostly didn’t use it because I’m secretly a really hot ninety year old woman who was nursing both hip and back injuries, so again, not disappointed.

As I persist to get back into a routine, I chug along, huffing and puffing, especially in the latter half of whatever distance I’m doing. My heart wants four miles and a donut, my body just wants the donut. Except on yesterday’s run, my heart (okay and maybe my body too), wanted Dwayne Johnson. Yes, The Rock. The People’s Champ. The Brama Bull.

What?

Hear me out. Running is monotonous. Running is long. Running tests all of your strength, both physical and mental. Sometimes to get to your goals, you have to think of weird things, or do boy band dance moves while everyone’s watching, or train yourself to play Words With Friends while keeping pace. Yesterday’s run embodied weird things. Like, how cool would it be if, on this trek of mine, I just randomly ran into The Rock? How would that go? Knowing me, it would start with word vomit and end with a really cheesy selfie where I look terrible and he looks like he hates the girl in the photo with him.

No, no… that’s not what would happen. What would REALLY happen is I’d be like “Yo Dwayne, I know you’re not from Reno so let me show you the course!” I’d give him the preface that I average an 11:30-12/min mile but don’t worry, I’m a marathoner. He’d give me the People’s Eyebrow and I’d assure him that yes, this size 14 curvy fit woman has run not one, but TWO marathons. Feeling confident he wouldn’t have to give me the People’s Elbow, he’d agree to stroll along and we’d become best running pals for life. (Side note, even though I grew up as a huge WWE fan who was in love with The Rock, I still can’t do the People’s Eyebrow.)

Two miles done.

While trying to keep my cool, I’d get consent from DJ to do a Facebook Live because you know, if this was really happening, I would need to make sure the whole internet world knew. My intro would go something like this: “You guys, I was just minding my own runner business when I caught up  with a familiar (literally) figure. Meet my knew BFF who I assure is not going to lay the smackdown on my candy ass.” Then angels would sing and I’d probably drop my phone as I moved the camera upwards to catch his face.

Three miles done.

As we trail along, we’d bond over our love for Kailua and protein shakes and how jealous I am that he got to film a movie with Amy Pond.

Being the social media king he is, Big D would want to put me on his Instagram and tag my running profile and that’s how I’d finally reach 1,000 followers on my Insta.  At the end, we’d high five and I’d introduce him to Pawko who would get to take his first picture with a celebrity.

Voila, four miles — done!

The moral of this story is that I probably don’t need pre-workout.

Checking in from the pavement

Aloha! If you follow me on Instagram, you know I recently came back from an amazing family trip to Hawaii and I’m still living on that post-vacation high. From the beautiful scenery and refreshing waters to being adamant about leaving my work phone at home and eating poke at least once a day, everything about it was exactly what I wanted it to be and more. From an active point of view (because duh, that’s why you’re here…I think), highlights included running and hiking with just a sports bra, no top, in the sauna (okay, just the outdoors), swimming with a dolphin and actually not gaining any vacation weight (see: sauna).  We also went snorkling off of a catamaran, where the workout came in the form of holding on for dear life as we bounced up and down on the roller coaster waves.

37677299_10101744523652648_1710218387713425408_n

I also spent nearly the entire week without wearing any sort of foundation or concealer. This is a HUGE victory for me as I’ve always struggled with acne and being self conscious of it. It was liberating. My skin absolutely LOVED the humidity and the tan, which ultimately were the motivators in this. I’ve been home for (sadly) almost two weeks now and have yet to touch my Benefit compact. Guess I’ll just need to go to Hawaii every other month or so to rejuvenate the skin. Oh well.

I am extremely grateful to my parents for bringing me on the dream vacation and am so glad that I got to spend the entire week making new memories with my family.

A few days before I left, I gracefully fell in the bakery at work simply by moving my foot a step to the right. It was real cute, but I’ll blame it on the thought of trying to step away from eating all the delicious-smelling sugary carbs. Such a simple fall that could only happen to me, turned in to a sprained hip and a shot of Motrin in the butt to ease the pain. Because of vacation, I couldn’t make an appointment to see my chiropractor which made for a very uncomfortable plane ride and first night in Hawaii. Thankfully, it didn’t deter the rest of the trip.

It has, however, put me on modified exercise since I’ve been back. I recently joined a new gym that has a regular schedule of cross training classes and, while nobody else might notice it, I’ve been pouting on the elliptical in the corner as I watch others sweat like there’s no tomorrow.

To top all of that off, I have been living without a refrigerator/freezer for TWO MONTHS. Long story short, is a home warranty really worth it? I’ve had no less than six service appointments at my house and have rolled my eyes no less than a thousand times. I will say, future blog post: “Living out of a mini fridge,” will come soon.

So needless to say, I’ve hit some roadblocks and for once, its not lack of motivation. My heart is there, my body isn’t. My mind is there, my kitchen is not. Here’s to hoping that I can return to badassery (and normalness) soon.

OH WAIT. Before I hit publish, as I almost just did…

In the midst of planning a February vacation out to the East Coast, we realized our dates fell in line with the Disney World Princess Half Marathon Weekend. Of course, both my runner’s brain and child-like heart went a flurry when I figured this out. When registration opened yesterday, I anxiously got in the virtual line at 9 a.m. on the dot to sign up. Twenty minutes later, I got in, but silly me decided to forget my Run Disney password. It took me all of sixty seconds to reset it, but unfortunately I got put back in the virtual line. I spent the next 30 minutes kicking myself and believing that I wasn’t going to get in. With three minutes to spare before a meeting, I got in. I GOT IN! Can’t wait to Princess-it-up and I couldn’t think of a better way to complete my very first Disney World experience!

All in a (5) Day’s Damage

Oh, hey! This is me writing to you 20 pounds heavier and two pant sizes bigger after returning from an amazing five-day vacation. For the record, I packed two gym outfits (we were in an Air B&B with w/d), my running shoes and Beats By Dre Powerbeats, armband and charger – however aside from a hike, those all went unused. When we arrived in Portland, I insisted to every Lyft driver that I’d be running while here – Forest Park, I’m coming for ya! Did that happen? NOPE. Running is my favorite way to explore a new city or new living area, but I also really like beer and food and beer and food don’t always get me out the door in the early a.m. Who knew?

While I’m still getting over that disappointment, I did wake up this morning wondering how hard a run will be. Prior to leaving, I managed to kick ass on a six-mile run (though I did need a trip to my Chiropractor after) so I was really looking forward to a long run in a new city. Six miles puts me ahead of my training schedule and if I want to stay that way, I’ll be heading out for a seven-miler this weekend. BUT, what’s the before and after going to be like? I mean, I literally can feel the big ol’ basketball that is my stomach bouncing up and down as I walk, what’s going to happen when I run?  In any event, Lebron, take me to the hoop baby! A-yooo. I digress and my point is, this weekend, it’ll be me and the mean streets of Reno taking on a seven-miler. I can sense the lethargy and failure now and have already started blaming the ten flights of beer I had in one day alone. Or maybe it was the two Blue Star Donuts I had yesterday before leaving. Will my running pants even fit?! Have my thighs rubbed together this much since I was 70 pounds heavier?! In the last week, I ate ALL the carbs, despite doctor’s orders and see the difference in my waist line, energy and even my skin – hello teenage acne.

The good news is that I did get a chance to go out and explore the wilderness in my Mizuno shoes. Thankfully we did this because by the third day my butt as begging for the good kind of burn, not the beer kind (shit, did I really just go there?). Here’s a picture of me trying to be one with the earth and Instagrammable. 19959142_463082744072295_8142670455384458794_nBut in all seriousness, it was great to get out and explore some trails, even if just a few short miles.  I’m nervously anticipating Sunday’s training run because it’ll be my longest run in 13 months (at this point, I bet every one of my blogs leading up to the Reno 10 Miler will say this). But I’m less so worried about the distance and more so about how I have not been not-so-fueling my body. My advice to you now, so that this didn’t feel like you completely wasted your time, is to take this as a second-hand lesson that garbage in is garbage out. Pay attention to what goes into your body as it truly does have an impact on your energy and performance… and the size of your butt.